Finding Treasures

I was given a printout of a talk...I don't know who it was by, nor can I remember who gave it to me. However, it included a lot of information that was helpful and comforting. What I have found is that most information out there for grieving parents deals with either miscarriage, stillbirth, or those who have lost an infant to SIDS. There really isn't a whole lot for parents who have lost a child who is older. This talk contained some experiences from parents who have lost teenagers, and relayed one experience that I found particularly moving. It's relayed by the author, who has made a living drawing portraits of those who have passed on. He/she writes:

"One day I was drawing a picture of a young man who died suddenly in an auto accident, and I was thinking about a conversation I'd had with a mother of a sixteen year old girl who had passed away. She told me that one of the hardest things to deal with were the reminders of her daughter that would come up unexpectantly. She said it was like having the rug pulled out from under her, and would often result in heartache and tears. As I was thinking about that, it was as though this young man's spirit read my thoughts and then said, 'Please tell my moom and dad that when that happens, not to cry, because it means I'm close by. Tell them to talk to me instead, because I'm there.' The message was so clear and almost pleading. It made me realize that they have a desire to be a part of our lives and to continue the loving relationships they enjoyed on Earth. Yet, if we feel sadness and pain every time they try to make us aware of their presence, they would be hesitant to do so. I believe we can actually encourage the continuation of that association by seeing those occasinos as sweet experiences of interaction, and I've since tried to share this with everyone I know who has lost a loved one."

I found this to be very uplifting; simply thinking that Kerrigan is near every time I find some random thing of hers certainly helps. There have been so many random things that make me break down. The worst one, by far, was when I was cleaning out the fridge a couple weeks after Thanksgiving. Throwing away her hot dogs, yogurt, and caramel sauce from McDonald's apple dippers was one of the hardest things that I've done. You wouldn't think that throwing out some old food would be so detrimental, but I found myself sobbing on the kitchen floor for about fifteen minutes, all the while with the fridge door wide open. But I've really tried to take this author's advice to heart. I tell Kerrigan, "Thank you," for every time I find something of hers randomly lying about the house. On Sunday, as I put on my leather coat to get ready to leave church, I put my hand in my pocket and pulled out her favorite purple polka-dotted hair bow. As the tears started to come to my eyes, I silently gave thanks and told her that I loved her and that I was glad she was still nearby. The other day, as I was vacuuming, I lifted up my armchair and found her little drawing pad that my mom always kept in her purse. Again, I told her thank you and let her know how much I love and miss her. The same thing with finding her toothbrush on the floor of Brandon's closet, the stickers from her McDonald's Halloween bucket, her Princess and the Frog sticker sheet that she had shoved in my junk drawer, and the numerous single socks that had somehow found their way under my bed. I know there will be so many more instances to come where her things will pop up, and I know that I'll be grateful for each and every one, as it means my precious little girl is still around.