Resolution for the New Year

I Resolve:

• That I will grieve as much and for as long as I feel like grieving,
and that I will not let others put a time table on my grief.

• That I will grieve in whatever way I feel like grieving, and I will
ignore those who try to tell me what I should or should not be feeling
and how I should or should not be behaving.

• That I will cry whenever and wherever I feel like crying, and that I
will not hold back my tears just because someone else feels I should
be "brave" or "getting better" or "healing by now."

• That I will talk about my child as often as I want to, and that I
will not let others turn me off just because they can't deal with
their own feelings.

• That I will not expect family and friends to know how I feel,
understanding that one who has not lost a child cannot possibly know
how I feel.

• That I will not blame myself for my child's death, and I will
constantly remind myself that I did the best job of parenting I could
possibly have done. But when feelings of guilt are overwhelming, I
will remind myself that this is a normal part of the grief process and
it will pass.

• That I will not be afraid or ashamed to seek professional help if I
feel it is necessary.

• That I will commune with my child at least once a day in whatever
way feels comfortable and natural to me, and that I won't feel
compelled to explain this communion to others or to justify or even
discuss it with them.

• I will keep the truth in my heart--the truth that my child is always
with me in spirit.

• That I will try to eat, sleep, and exercise every day in order to
give my body strength it will need to help me cope with my grief.

• To know that I am not losing my mind and I will remind myself that
loss of memory, feelings of disorientation, lack of energy, and a
sense of vulnerability are all a normal part of the grief process.

• To know that I will heal, even though it will take a long time.

• To let myself heal and not feel guilty about not feeling better
sooner.

• To remind myself that the grief process is circuitous--that is, I
will not make steady upward progress. And when I find myself slipping
back into the old moods of despair and depression, I will tell myself
that "slipping backward" is also a normal part of the mourning
process, and that these moods, too, will pass.

• To try to be happy about something for some part of every day,
knowing that at first, I may have to force myself to think cheerful
thoughts so eventually they can become a habit.

• That I will reach out at times and try to help someone else, knowing
that helping others will help me to get over my depression.

• That even though my child is gone, I will opt for life, knowing that
is what my child would want me to do.